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31 months

Posted on November 25, 2007

It’s been 31 months since I boarded a plane at Logan Inter­na­tional Air­port w/ 3 mas­sive suit­cases hold­ing all of my worldly pos­ses­sions. It’s been 26 months since I found out some alien was grow­ing in my tummy. It’s been 17 months since that alien raised her head and looked at me with dark inquis­i­tive eyes.

31 months ago I moved to Eng­land to be w/ my best friend. The friend that a few months ear­lier while I was over vis­it­ing asked me if I wanted to move over for ‘awhile’. AWHILE?? So he wanted me to give up my job and move to a dif­fer­ent coun­try for ‘awhile’. I told him sure I’d love to move over but it wouldn’t be for ‘awhile’. I asked him if he was cer­tain because once I was here I wouldn’t be going back. So I went back to the US and started mak­ing arrange­ments to head on over. We had GRAND plans– travel, drink­ing, travel and drink­ing, some more travel.

27 months ago I received a phone call from my mother. She had a dream that I was preg­nant. I laughed at her. I had just that very day got­ten my period. I had just that very day started my new job. NO WAY I was preg­nant. Wal and I were going out that night to cel­e­brate my becom­ing a con­tribut­ing mem­ber of soci­ety. Lots of drink­ing was done that night. Lots of laugh­ing. Life was good, it was exactly what I had hoped it would be when I boarded that plane. I was with my best friend and damn it was good.

26 months ago I ner­vously told Wal I had missed my period. 26 months ago I drove him to the air­port as he left for a 10 day busi­ness trip w/ his words ring­ing in my ears. He wanted to ‘take care of it’. We weren’t ready. I had just arrived. We weren’t mar­ried. Maybe I was just late. We would talk about it when he got back. 26 months ago I called my best friend Wendy and cried and cried and cried. I told her the line was very faint– maybe it was wrong. She laughed and explained if there was a line to be seen I was preg­nant. I explained to her Wals reac­tion. She reas­sured me that it was nor­mal. That he would come around. That it would be ok. So I sat in my empty house with this thing grow­ing in my tummy. Going to work with a ner­vous buzz– I think it was stress. 26 months ago Wal came back from his trip and we talked and talked. 26 months ago we decided that although the tim­ing was off, that we hoped we’d have a cou­ple of years enjoy­ing our­selves that what was done was done. Yippee, can you hear the joy in our voices? I called my mom and asked if she remem­bered call­ing me the month before and her telling me her dream. I explained to her that her dream had come true. She was pleased. She laughed and told me I should ALWAYS lis­ten to her– she knows every­thing! HA!

I suf­fered through 9 months of mild/moderate morn­ing sick­ness and abdom­i­nal pain– I have fibroids and I think Squidge was kick box­ing with them. 20 weeks into my preg­nancy I found out the sex of the baby. I called my mom and aunt Lil­iana and told them I was hav­ing a girl. My aunt Lil­iana started cry­ing– I started cry­ing– hor­mones. I suf­fered through 9 months of ‘dis­cus­sions’ with Wal– we couldn’t decided what to name ‘peanut’ ( I know how orig­i­nal). I thought we would come to blows– I wanted to beat the crap out of him w/ the near­est pil­low– hor­mones. I liked Isabella. He liked Iso­bel. I HATED Iso­bel and he HATED Isabella. Do you see the deep chasm between us grow­ing? Finally FINALLY 2 weeks before she was born we came to a name we both likedloved. I had seen a pro­gram on TV and a lit­tle girl named Esme. Wal was out of town and I sent him a text. Esme. His reply was– yes. I almost fell off the sofa. I called him and explained to him what I meant. He explained to me that yes he under­stood and he liked the name. WOW! Really?? Is that it?? After months and months of argu­ing we FINALLY found a name we both loved. Not one we were set­tling for. We had decided we both didn’t hate the name Saman­tha. Not a bad name but I didn’t want to set­tle on a name I didn’t hate. I wanted a name I loved. So peanut finally had a name.

17 months ago my mother arrived a week after my due date. I thought I’d surely have had Squidge by then! She was here for 7 days. 4 days into her stay and Squidge didn’t look like she was plan­ning on arriv­ing before vavo left. We booked in for an induc­tion and Squidge arrived dur­ing the world cup. She con­ve­niently arrived between games. My mom left 2 days later.

17 months ago I was left w/ the baby. I was the mother– WTF!! I have never wanted chil­dren. Or if I did think I wanted them they were a vague obscure want way out in the future. I was too busy doing what I did. Chil­dren were loud, demand­ing, cramped your style. I had had 9 months to con­vince myself that my life wouldn’t change all that much. We could still travel, drink, drink and travel. About 3 days after my mother left and Wal was at work I sat there breasts leak­ing, breath stink­ing hold­ing this being in my arms as she cried. She was hun­gry? No. She was wet? No. She was hot/cold? No. I didn’t know what I was doing. Wal didn’t know what he was doing. Poor Squidge I thought– we’re com­pletely incom­pe­tent. She was going to grow up a stunted, stu­pid, mal­nour­ished lit­tle thing. About 3 months into this mummy gig I real­ized that I was doing it. I was breast­feed­ing this lit­tle baby and she was still here. She wasn’t dead.

I was keep­ing her alive all.by.my.self. THAT was a mind blow­ing real­iza­tion. Silly but still mind blow­ing. Today Squidge is 17 months old. SEVENTEEN MONTHS! She has turned my life upside down. She has made me so much less self­ish. She makes my day when she looks at me and laughs when she farts– I absolutely love that!!! We don’t travel as much as we would like. I’ve had to read­just my per­cep­tion of myself. We get frus­trated and upset and still at times think we’re young (ppfff) and care­free. When­ever we feel like that Squidge will walk up to one of us and hug our neck. She’ll pull the lap­top off the coffee-table or she’ll head­butt us. She’ll take our half empty cup of tea and tip it over. Care­free has never felt so good. There are soo many things I’m look­ing for­ward to. Ski­ing w/ Squidge and bak­ing Christ­mas cook­ies w/ Squidge are just a cou­ple of them. She laughs and runs and cries and throws a tantrum and is a royal pain in the ass but we wouldn’t have any other way.

Oh boy!

Posted on October 17, 2007

Squidge is teething– did I men­tion that already?  Her molars are com­ing in.  They suck big schwety balls.  She hasn’t got­ten off my lap for 36 hours!!  You know when those mums with older chil­dren warn you what’s to come and you lis­ten to them but think…how bad can it be?!!?!  IT’S BAD- run fer yer lives!!!  Oh and did I men­tion she peed on me today?  We were sit­ting on the chair– the same chair I’ve been sit­ting on for days when I sud­denly felt some­thing warm and not entirely unpleas­ant.  THEN it hit me, OH MY GOD SHE JUST PISSED ON ME, I shouted to Wal.  Being the smart ass that he is he calmly told Squidge that she doesn’t need to wee on me– ‘mummy can do that all on her own– all it takes is a sneeze!  Ba$tard!!  Ok so back to Squidge– she’s mis­er­able.  I feel soo bad for her.  All she’s doing is drink­ing water.  She won’t eat any­thing and refuses all med­i­cine.  I’ve tried hold­ing her head and shov­ing the drop­per waaaaay down her throat and forc­ing her to swal­low but she’s a wily lit­tle thing and starts to gur­gle and pro­jec­tile spits it at me!!  I’ve given it to her in her yogurt but she’s stopped eat­ing now so that doesn’t work. 

I’ll post pho­tos of Squidge in all her teething glory tomorrow!

Birthdays and Bandits, part deux

Posted on September 2, 2007

We had a great time at the party. B come up w/ a great theme adn all the lit­tle ones were dressed the part.

B is help­ing Squidge dec­o­rate her tiara. 

 still dec­o­rat­ing

FOOD!!

Vin­tage Mini’s and race­car fairy!

What’s every­one look­ing at?  Is my tutu stuck in my nappy or something?!!?!

And now to the ban­dit part of this post.  Look what I found when I looked out the win­dow on Sat­ur­day night!  Yep some poor wait­ress came out to find this had hap­pened to her car.  I called the police and they pushed it back onto all 4 wheels.

 

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