Raleigh

So I’m a bit impul­sive.  I see it as both a per­son­al­ity flaw and a fan­tas­tic trait– is that even pos­si­ble?  I once flew to Eng­land within 12 hours of receiv­ing a drunken invi­ta­tion from Wal.

So I went a bought this beeeay­oo­ti­fol baby.  I love it sooo much I have started to call her mah preshus.  I hadn’t been on a bike in 22 years.  When I walked into the bike shop I was look­ing for a retro look­ing cruis­ing bike.  Yah know some­thing for my fat almost mid­dle aged ass to sit on while tootling around a nice park w/ EVEN pave­ment.  Instead I walk out w/ a moun­tain bike.  The seat is tiny and I expected it to get lost up my  butt– lol not really. well ok maybe I did think it might hap­pen.  no. no.  I’m kid­ding.  I told the sales­man I wasn’t even sure I remem­bered how to ride a bike– I mean 22 years is a looong time.  But I got up on the bike and just went for it.  The wind whip­ping through my hair and that weird wamp wamp wamp sound you hear when you’re really going for it.  I LOVE IT.

Now as most of you will prob­a­bly have already said/thought– but Lindy don’t you live in Eng­land and aren’t you vis­it­ing your fam­ily in the US?  Why yes, I do live in Eng­land. Ah hem,  yes I am cur­rently vis­it­ing my fam­ily in the US.  There is a really big ocean sep­a­rat­ing me, my bike and my home.  I have (as of today) 3 days to return the bike for a 20% restock­ing fee.  I have searched the British Air­ways web­site and I can bring the bike home w/ me.  I am going to call them in the morn­ing and con­firm this.

As some of you have already men­tioned in the com­ments– they do have bikes in Eng­land.  Yes I am aware of this.  But please see the above para­graph where I dis­cuss my impulsiveness.

I have been out w/ it a few times.   The first time was tough and I almost didn’t make it home.  Well lets now dis­cuss my dum­b­ass­ness.  The bike is high tech peo­ple.  Last time I had a bike it had 3 speeds and whooo boy was that a lot.  This one was a total of 21 speeds. I have 3 gears on one side and 7 on the other.  It comes with a THICK own­ers man­ual.  No, I have not read it yet.  It has a quick release front tire/tyre.  The sales­man showed me how it works and then took the tire/tyre off again and we squeazed it into the tiny car I am dri­ving while here.  He asked me if I  had any ques­tions.  “NO SIR, I think you pretty much cov­ered it all.  Yes, I’ll come back if I have any ques­tions.  Thank you. Buh­bye.”  beep beep wave wave.

I get home and take the bike out of the trunk/boot and put the tire on it and try to get the brake together.  Inter­nal con­ver­sa­tion I had with myself once I took the bike out of the trunk.

I was soo easy at the bike shop.  Hmmm that sales­man must be really strong he made it look sooo easy.  maybe I should just squeeze it harder. feckcrapshitholyhellican’tdothis Oh phew got it.  Now I’m off to take this  baby for a spin.  Oh wait the front brake is rub­bing against the tire/tyre.  Crap this is hard.  Whooo boy am I out of shape.  Damn what is wrong with the brakes?  Hmm I need to go by the bike shop tomor­row.  I think I broke the bike already. I can’t believe I broke the bike already.  Sheesh I am so dumb.  Ok lets not men­tion this to my Dad he already thinks I’m an idiot for buy­ing the bike he doesn’t need to know I’ve bro­ken it already.

The next day I get to the bike shop.  Mike the sales­man I dealt with yes­ter­day isn’t there.  Dave– sales­guy #2 is and I tell him what hap­pened and he takes one look at the bike and tells me I have the wheel on back­wards.  *crick­ets chirp­ing* Ooooh OOOOOOH OK I didn’t even know that was even pos­si­ble.  Oooh yes I do see that lever and hmm yes I see now how the BACK tire has a lever too.  OOOOh so I should make sure the levers on the front tire/tyre is on the same side as the back tire/tyre.  Oooh yes yes of course soo sim­ple.  Thank you soo much.  Noo noo no more ques­tions.  Thanks can  you help me get the bike in the SUV? NO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T TAKE OFF THE FRONT TIRE AGAIN.   No thank you, that’s why I’m in the SUV and not the itty bitty Nis­san– no need to take off the tire/tyre.  Thanks.  Buh­bye. beep beep. wave wave.

So you see I’m an impul­sive dum­b­ass!   I won’t go into how much my ass hurts– some­things don’t need to be shared.