I’m sitting here with a piece of slightly melting dark chocolate sticking out of my mouth. Wha? Like you’ve never done it. Pah, it’s one of the pleasures in life. Blogging by chocolate!
I’ve had a rough week with Squidge. I don’t think I’m going to be winning any parenting awards. On Saturday we went grocery shopping. Squidge didn’t want to get into the car. I was holding her by the arm and she was pulling away. So in frustration I just let go. You can guess what happened. She smashed the side of her head into the car and started to cry hysterically. Squidge is NOT a crier. She has fallen backwards down the stairs, done a flip mid-air and landed on her tummy. The girl picked herself up and started climbing the stairs again. Not a peep, not a whimper. So I knew she was in some pain. Yes I felt like a complete asshole. I know I didn’t grab her by the back of the head and slam her head against the car but I felt like I had.
Yesterday she asked to go pee. YAY!! I ran up the stairs with her and while I did this I felt her bum. I thought her jeans were wet so I started to chastise her. Ooops my mistake. She wasn’t wet at all. But Lindy, HOW do you know this?!??! Oh that would be the huge gushing piss she took standing in front of the toilet while being told off my her Mom of the Year nominated mom (it’s an honor just being nominated. Right? Right!!).
There have been numerous moments where I just lost my cool and shouted at her. Too many moments where I just want to be left alone. Every time I shout or threaten I feel like a ball of crap that has been scrapped off your shoe. All smooshed and gross.
Then in the morning I wake up to the sound of Mummy. Mummy. Mom. Mooom. Mooooooooomy and I know all is forgotten. I walk into her room and she greats me with a huuuge smile, ready for a big hug and a kiss. I wonder how much longer I have to commit these little mummy indiscretions before they become consigned to her memory. I worry about this. I feel guilt over these moments.
I hope that when she looks back at this time she’ll remember times like this.
I hope that I am filling her with many many more of the good memories and that the bad ones just melt away. I love you Squidge, you little shit.
You are a super mommy! Squidge is very lucky… trust me…
what a very real and sweet post.. I hear ya, gurl!! You seem to be doing just fine..look at that FFaaAaaacccceE!!
oh friend. My heart hurts for you. it feels horrible to not be who we want to be. It sure sounds like you need some down time. All of us are human, and we break when bent too far, and it sounds like lately you are needing to re-coup. I hope you find some “me time”. hugs!
Sounds like you need a break from it all. Spa break (or even weekend) is in order.
You are a brilliant mum and belive me, we all do it. It does not make us feel any better though, and yes, I feel awful when I do shout. They can be sooooo fraustrating sometimes, but I would never be without them. I agree with the other posts, that you need some ‘me time’, or a drink with your mates, or both. Maybe an early LFITM. Missing you guys loads. xx
We all do this hon, but looks to me like you more than redress the balance. Squidge needs to learn that grown ups have down days too. If you explain and make sure she knows it’s not her but that mummy is a bit tired or grumpy I’m sure it will help. Hugs.
We have all been in the exact same place. Oh boy… have I been there lately. They just drive you crazy.