.

He ain’t heavy, He mah babydaddy!

Posted on September 29, 2008

The road is long
With many a wind­ing turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy

So on we go
His wel­fare is of my con­cern
No bur­den is he to bear
We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encum­ber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy

If I’m laden at all
I’m laden with sad­ness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with the glad­ness
Of love for one another

It’s a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy

he’s my brother He mah baby­daddy
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy…

I’ve been think­ing a lot about the fact that Wal and I aren’t mar­ried. Try­ing to fig­ure out why I’m both­ered by this fact.  It’s not the com­mit­ment.  I am and he is and we know it.  It’s not the white *cough* dress and the big shindig.  I couldn’t care less about that.  If he pops his clogs I get it all so I’m not wor­ried finan­cially.  We’re all set legally as the UK rec­og­nizes cohab­it­ing part­ners as equal to mar­ried couples.

So what does bother me about our sta­tus.  Why do I give him a hard time about us not being mar­ried?  It’s sim­ple really and oooh sooo shal­low.  I hate the term part­ner.  I really really hate it.  I avoid using it.  I get around it by not fin­ish­ing sen­tences that require me to use it.  Or I mum­ble it so peo­ple can’t really make it out.  I’ll let peo­ple assume we’re mar­ried.  That way I didn’t call him my hus­band and I can’t stop peo­ple from mak­ing assump­tions.  What should I call him?  My part­ner?  My boyfriend?  Lover? My baby­daddy??  It all sounds wrong.  He’s not my fiancé because we’re not engaged.  If we were I’d expect a ring– YES, I am that shal­low.  He is my part­ner, I already explained my issue with that one.  My boyfriend doesn’t con­vey enough mean­ing. Lover, hmmm TMI.  Should I just go around call­ing him my baby­daddy??  I won­der how he’ll like that one.

EDITED TO ADD:

After read­ing some of the com­ments I have to add that I don’t really know if I want to get mar­ried.  Do I want ot get mar­ried because I don’t like the word PARTNER?  Do I want to get mar­ried because I want to get mar­ried?  Do I miss the anniver­sary bit?  Why did YOU get mar­ried?  What made you decide that mak­ing it legal in the eyes of government/god/family/buddah??  Do you think you would be OK with not being mar­ried once you had children??



Leave a Comment

No Comment

  • bubblewench says:
    September 29, 2008 at 5:18 PM - Reply

    Can’t you just gop around call­ing him your Sex Slave? Or your magic love pole? Or how bout just plain “your bitch”.

    I’d ask for a com­mit­ment ring. No engage­ment or mar­riage, just a small token of the com­mit­ment.. maybe that would make you feel better?

  • SCM says:
    September 29, 2008 at 6:46 PM - Reply

    A ring sounds good — I’d not say no if some­one wanted to buy me one.
    Do we need to drop some hints to him? It can be arranged quite eas­ily :)

  • Byrney says:
    September 29, 2008 at 8:57 PM - Reply

    Just book your­self a wed­ding I’m sure he’d go along with it he’s very easy going!!!

  • RachelCJ says:
    September 29, 2008 at 9:44 PM - Reply

    OMG I had no idea that you weren’t mar­ried! I hope this post wasn’t inspired by my call­ing him your hus­band ear­lier today!!! lol.

    I don’t think it mat­ters, but in my eyes being mar­ried is nice, its just nice. I love call­ing the man my hus­band, and I love being his wife. That being said, a friend of mine doesn’t want to get mar­ried because she doesn’t want to be any­ones wife. Either way, so long as you love each other, it doesn’t mat­ter. How­ever, I did have a fan­tas­tic wed­ding, and it was bril­liant to get up there in front of all our friends and make that com­mit­ment, and we had a fan­tas­tic party. I didn’t want a wed­ding in the first place, I wanted to get mar­ried at a reg­istry office and just run away, but my mother talked me into it. She said you won’t get all your loved ones together again until your funeral, so this was just a hap­pier occa­sion than that one! I would do it all again in a moment!

    I wanted an engage­ment ring, how could I betray my Long Island Jew­ish girl roots????

  • maria says:
    September 29, 2008 at 10:29 PM - Reply

    i hate thE term part­ner as well and I can’t gET over how often it is used here and how often Oth­ers will call my hus­band my part­ner even though I say Hus­band! It dri­ves me Bonkers.. plus DH always makes some cheeky remark if they call me his part­ner (LIKE IN aMER­I­CAN bEAUTY) i DON’T THINK YOU’RE SELFISH IN WHATEVER YOU WanT.. AND i DIDN’T REALIZE EITher until quite recently you both weren’t mar­ried.. you seem mar­ried :) Do you think that is why the in-laws are the way they are?

  • Wal says:
    September 30, 2008 at 12:06 AM - Reply

    Dear bub­bles Sex Slave is woe­fully mis­guided. Magic love pole — me likey…in an ideal world. How­ever bitch is eas­ily the most astute sum­ma­tion; you could even add the sub title Money Slave with­out being to wide of the mark.
    Yours meekly
    Walter

  • Creature of Habit says:
    September 30, 2008 at 3:40 AM - Reply

    hheeehe.…

    Man, I went through this same thing with MP. For seven years.….I just couldn’t fig­ure out my issue. We were engaged for 3 of those years (as MP was calmly ok with the idea of mar­riage as well as my resistence) and then my Dad became ill.

    Not to be too macabre, but that was the tip­ping point for me…I wanted my father to be there. So, we just walked out on the Weeks Memo­r­ial Bridge in Cam­bridge and did it. A mem­o­rable, event­ful, non-event (par­ents were there, and sib­lings). If not for my Dad’s ill­ness, I would still be mulling it over.…honestly. And we’ve been mar­ried for 3 1/2 years now, and not too much changed. *grins*

    And I still can’t explain why, but I totally under­stand where you’re com­ing from.

  • byrney says:
    September 30, 2008 at 8:10 AM - Reply

    Just read your add on.…I got mar­ried because it was really impor­tant to Richard to be mar­ried if we had kids. I can see his point because IF the Mum dies it isn’t clear cut that the Dad keeps the kids not even if you have a will say­ing that!!!! That sur­prised me but we were told it when we made our will… more in respect to the part where we named our guardians should we both die, aparently this is open to con­test even though we have spec­i­fied what should hap­pen!! Will’s…waste of time! lol

  • Jo Beaufoix says:
    September 30, 2008 at 6:36 PM - Reply

    Ahhh, how about your bloke? We are mar­ried, but we lived together 6 years before and got mar­ried because we both wanted kids and we wanted the same name. If we’d had kids before we got mar­ried it would have been ok too. That said, I hate say­ing, “My hus­band or hubby’, it all feels a bit twee and makes me think of the Queen’s speech.

  • SCM says:
    September 30, 2008 at 6:58 PM - Reply

    I’ve been with my fella for 4.5 years and we don’t even live together, let alone the mar­riage malarkey. It just suits us for many rea­sons (won’t go into them here) at the moment.
    We don’t have chil­dren so the thought of being mar­ried for that doesn’t come into it.

    If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it feels right, do it.
    Just don’t do it for the wrong reasons.

    Just realised this is prob­a­bly no help at all. Oops.

  • Ali says:
    September 30, 2008 at 11:03 PM - Reply

    The tim­ing of our mar­riage was dic­tated by very unro­man­tic neces­si­ties (like visas). With­out that shove, we may never have got­ten round to it. It’s just one of those things that is so easy to put off. Why bother? Think of the expense!

    But I am very glad that some­thing pushed us into doing the deed. Because refer­ring to him as ‘my hubby’ is one of lifes lit­tle plea­sures. And with kids, it just makes things a lit­tle simpler.

  • lula says:
    October 5, 2008 at 9:36 AM - Reply

    Not mar­ried, although we can in every coun­try that we are affil­i­ated with (and there are three).

    But I’ve resisted so far. Every­one knows we are together; we are finan­cially set as far as the deed to the house goes, insur­ance, taxes (file jointly), etc. Munchkin’s papers will be in order some­where next year after the nat­u­ral­iza­tion papers come through.

    What’s the point of get­ting mar­ried if you can also divorce? We’ve been together for 11 years now; I don’t see any changes in the works. And every time I watch bridezil­las or hear about the expense involved in a wed­ding, I just say to myself: more to set aside to pay for that sec­ond (hol­i­day) home we hope to buy one day.

    As for a term to cover the con­cept: life part­ner, sig­nif­i­cant other, etc. I think wife or hus­band sound so proprietary.