The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy
So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy
If I’m laden at all
I’m laden with sadness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
It’s a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy
he’s my brother He mah babydaddy
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother He mah babydaddy…
I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that Wal and I aren’t married. Trying to figure out why I’m bothered by this fact. It’s not the commitment. I am and he is and we know it. It’s not the white *cough* dress and the big shindig. I couldn’t care less about that. If he pops his clogs I get it all so I’m not worried financially. We’re all set legally as the UK recognizes cohabiting partners as equal to married couples.
So what does bother me about our status. Why do I give him a hard time about us not being married? It’s simple really and oooh sooo shallow. I hate the term partner. I really really hate it. I avoid using it. I get around it by not finishing sentences that require me to use it. Or I mumble it so people can’t really make it out. I’ll let people assume we’re married. That way I didn’t call him my husband and I can’t stop people from making assumptions. What should I call him? My partner? My boyfriend? Lover? My babydaddy?? It all sounds wrong. He’s not my fiancé because we’re not engaged. If we were I’d expect a ring– YES, I am that shallow. He is my partner, I already explained my issue with that one. My boyfriend doesn’t convey enough meaning. Lover, hmmm TMI. Should I just go around calling him my babydaddy?? I wonder how he’ll like that one.
EDITED TO ADD:
After reading some of the comments I have to add that I don’t really know if I want to get married. Do I want ot get married because I don’t like the word PARTNER? Do I want to get married because I want to get married? Do I miss the anniversary bit? Why did YOU get married? What made you decide that making it legal in the eyes of government/god/family/buddah?? Do you think you would be OK with not being married once you had children??
Can’t you just gop around calling him your Sex Slave? Or your magic love pole? Or how bout just plain “your bitch”.
I’d ask for a commitment ring. No engagement or marriage, just a small token of the commitment.. maybe that would make you feel better?
A ring sounds good — I’d not say no if someone wanted to buy me one.
Do we need to drop some hints to him? It can be arranged quite easily
Just book yourself a wedding I’m sure he’d go along with it he’s very easy going!!!
OMG I had no idea that you weren’t married! I hope this post wasn’t inspired by my calling him your husband earlier today!!! lol.
I don’t think it matters, but in my eyes being married is nice, its just nice. I love calling the man my husband, and I love being his wife. That being said, a friend of mine doesn’t want to get married because she doesn’t want to be anyones wife. Either way, so long as you love each other, it doesn’t matter. However, I did have a fantastic wedding, and it was brilliant to get up there in front of all our friends and make that commitment, and we had a fantastic party. I didn’t want a wedding in the first place, I wanted to get married at a registry office and just run away, but my mother talked me into it. She said you won’t get all your loved ones together again until your funeral, so this was just a happier occasion than that one! I would do it all again in a moment!
I wanted an engagement ring, how could I betray my Long Island Jewish girl roots????
i hate thE term partner as well and I can’t gET over how often it is used here and how often Others will call my husband my partner even though I say Husband! It drives me Bonkers.. plus DH always makes some cheeky remark if they call me his partner (LIKE IN aMERICAN bEAUTY) i DON’T THINK YOU’RE SELFISH IN WHATEVER YOU WanT.. AND i DIDN’T REALIZE EITher until quite recently you both weren’t married.. you seem married
Do you think that is why the in-laws are the way they are?
Dear bubbles Sex Slave is woefully misguided. Magic love pole — me likey…in an ideal world. However bitch is easily the most astute summation; you could even add the sub title Money Slave without being to wide of the mark.
Yours meekly
Walter
hheeehe.…
Man, I went through this same thing with MP. For seven years.….I just couldn’t figure out my issue. We were engaged for 3 of those years (as MP was calmly ok with the idea of marriage as well as my resistence) and then my Dad became ill.
Not to be too macabre, but that was the tipping point for me…I wanted my father to be there. So, we just walked out on the Weeks Memorial Bridge in Cambridge and did it. A memorable, eventful, non-event (parents were there, and siblings). If not for my Dad’s illness, I would still be mulling it over.…honestly. And we’ve been married for 3 1/2 years now, and not too much changed. *grins*
And I still can’t explain why, but I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Just read your add on.…I got married because it was really important to Richard to be married if we had kids. I can see his point because IF the Mum dies it isn’t clear cut that the Dad keeps the kids not even if you have a will saying that!!!! That surprised me but we were told it when we made our will… more in respect to the part where we named our guardians should we both die, aparently this is open to contest even though we have specified what should happen!! Will’s…waste of time! lol
Ahhh, how about your bloke? We are married, but we lived together 6 years before and got married because we both wanted kids and we wanted the same name. If we’d had kids before we got married it would have been ok too. That said, I hate saying, “My husband or hubby’, it all feels a bit twee and makes me think of the Queen’s speech.
I’ve been with my fella for 4.5 years and we don’t even live together, let alone the marriage malarkey. It just suits us for many reasons (won’t go into them here) at the moment.
We don’t have children so the thought of being married for that doesn’t come into it.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it feels right, do it.
Just don’t do it for the wrong reasons.
Just realised this is probably no help at all. Oops.
The timing of our marriage was dictated by very unromantic necessities (like visas). Without that shove, we may never have gotten round to it. It’s just one of those things that is so easy to put off. Why bother? Think of the expense!
But I am very glad that something pushed us into doing the deed. Because referring to him as ‘my hubby’ is one of lifes little pleasures. And with kids, it just makes things a little simpler.
Not married, although we can in every country that we are affiliated with (and there are three).
But I’ve resisted so far. Everyone knows we are together; we are financially set as far as the deed to the house goes, insurance, taxes (file jointly), etc. Munchkin’s papers will be in order somewhere next year after the naturalization papers come through.
What’s the point of getting married if you can also divorce? We’ve been together for 11 years now; I don’t see any changes in the works. And every time I watch bridezillas or hear about the expense involved in a wedding, I just say to myself: more to set aside to pay for that second (holiday) home we hope to buy one day.
As for a term to cover the concept: life partner, significant other, etc. I think wife or husband sound so proprietary.