The one where I lose my ever lovin’ mind.

I asked for ques­tions and I got some– yay!  Peo­ple not related to  me actu­ally read this blog!  So Joy wanted  me to describe what I do when a$$holes block my dri­ve­way.  I live in Man­ches­ter– w/in the city lim­its.  The only way I can describe it to North Amer­i­cans is that it is a lot like Boston.  I also live around the cor­ner from loads of pubs, restau­rants, shops… you get the point.  So we get a lot of peo­ple dri­ving in to fre­quent these estab­lish­ments.  I’ll call them the beau­ti­ful peo­ple (bp).  These bp are usu­ally women.  They bee bop down my street look­ing for park­ing.  Amaz­ingly right behind my car that is parked in my dri­ve­way there is an empty space.  HOW LUCKY ARE THEY!  So dream­ing of the manicure/pint/goats cheese salad they’ve come all this way for they park in the amaz­ingly con­ve­nient space in front of my house. 

Now I don’t pace in front of my win­dow look­ing for peo­ple who are about to park in the amaz­ingly con­ve­nient space in front of my house.  I even­tu­ally look out the win­dow and notice that some­one has taken advan­tage of said amaz­ingly con­ve­nient space.  THAT is when I lose my ever lovin’ mind.  I stand in front of my win­dow wait­ing for them.  I have also walked to the shops/restaurants/pubs look­ing for the bp.  I have found them.  I have made a jack­ass out of myself.  I DON’T CARE if I make a jack­ass our of myself.  I will add that on those times when Wal is home when this hap­pens he HIDES.  The Eng­lish don’t do con­fronta­tion very well.  I being a bossy, aggres­sive north­ern girl do con­fronta­tion and I do it well!

Now one time I sat my fat ass on a really pretty pow­der blue VW bea­tle that had found the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space  in front of my house.  I sat and sat and sat there.  I got  more and more insane as I sat there.  FINALLY she (and yes it is ALWAYS a she) comes clip clop­ping down the street towards her car.  I, in a slightly insane sound­ing way ask her if she thinks park­ing in the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space in front of my house was the right thing to do.  She tells me she didn’t do any­thing wrong and can’t fig­ure out why I am so upset.  I explain to her (in my slightly insane voice) that I CAN’T LEAVE THE FU%&ING HOUSE because she’s  blocked me in.  I tell her that I have a daugh­ter and what if I needed to rush her to the GP?  What if my part­ner called and needed me to pick him up because he had an emer­gency?  Hell what if I just needed to pick up some milk?  I told her that I was going to call the traf­fic police but thought I should just explain to her that it was just sooo not kosher to do what she did.  To this she tells me to chill out and that she hasn’t done any­thing ille­gal.  My head popped off and rolled down the street at this point– she took advan­tage of the sit­u­a­tion to get in her car and drive away.  I picked up my head and walked back inside the house know­ing that I didn’t get any­thing accom­plished.  She won’t do it again but some other biotch in a beatle/mini/audi will find the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space in front of my house and again I’ll lose my mind. 

It hap­pened again tonight– not more than 30 min­utes ago I was stand­ing by my door wait­ing for the bp who decided that it was OK to park in the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space in front of my house.  To my shock it wasn’t a bp of the female per­sua­sion.  It was one of the cooks from the restau­rant.  NOW that really pissed me off.  Now lets think about this a moment.  You’re a cook and you’re on your way to work.  Aaah, look an AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space and soo close to the restau­rant– I’ll just park right here.  I only have an 8 hour shift– it’s not like the car that just hap­pens to be parked in the dri­ve­way in front of the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space will need to get out.  Besides I’m sure they won’t mind.  He did move the car and I didn’t say any­thing to him, I just stood glar­ing at him from the door.  The bas­tard had the nerve to wave and smile as he pulled away.  At this point my head popped off again and rolled down the street.

Tomor­row I’ll answer her ques­tions.  If there are any more ques­tions you’re just gag­ging to ask– feel free to ask.

Edited to add: the cook moved his car and went back to work– so I can only assume some­one that works at the restau­rant must have seen me glow­er­ing at the car from the door­way.  Also I think it is ille­gal to block a dri­ve­way– some­thing about right of egress.  I don’t know for sure.  I have called the police but they never show up.  Don’t blame them– gun crime or some­one has a blocked dri­ve­way… which to deal with first?